On what I lack

With but one word, I bloom or wilt.

My presence lifts a man to king;

but should I leave, that king is dealt

a blow that changes everything.



In maiden hearts, my strength is rare

and oft' depends on looks of men

to know if she be plain or fair

and find reflection based on them.



Yet children know me best of all

by father's praise and mother's smiles

until their questions make them stall

and they begin to choose their miles.


In excess, I am folly's friend

but lacking, I am foe to fame.

And lost, I may be found again

by any who but know my name.

My Life, My All, My Why

She is the continuance of myself,
the very essence of my living soul
which lives beyond my days.

She is my everything;
my purpose, my success, my dream,
my responsibility, my world.

She is my courage and worry,
strength and weakness, reason and insanity;
my motivation for being.

She is my daughter.

Mondays

Mondays always find me awash in wave upon wave of potential for the coming week. The world seems to almost be reborn for me on Mondays. There's a sense of forgiveness for the efforts of the previous seven days and a newness that is almost surreal. A divine weekly New Year's celebration complete with resolution opportunities. And so, eyes forward, past behind, I will enjoy this morning because I won't see it again for seven days.

Hairspray

If you haven't seen this musical, you should. I just love it! It has such a great message. My daughter and I watched it this evening and she really enjoyed it. It was interesting though because I had to explain segregation to her. She had a hard time understanding the huge divide that existed during that time. She was astonished to hear that those attitudes actually existed and that there are even some people today who still feel that way. She is a remarkable child!

Instilled.

In faith, do swear and open ear

or feign to listen still.

For truth be told as ought to hear

and words profaned, instill.

May honesty and loyalty

be granted and received.

Twice gifted then with dignity

and friendship not deceived.

With trust in man and mystery,

though will is quite your own,

choose well your friends; no enemies;

and kindness always show.

Be gentle and forgiveness grant

yourself and those who wrong.

Lonely those who find they can't

for meekness makes you strong.

Be sure to laugh eternally,

and hold your mem'ries dear.

Take care to learn from tragedy

and cherish every tear.

Each breath is blessed, each smile a joy,

each heartbeat heaven-sent.

And all the world to be enjoyed

until our minutes spent.

Here's what I know for sure...

I am 30 years old and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I usually don't like myself very much.
I really don't care for politics, but I try to at least be a bit informed during election years.
I have a paper route and a college degree, but no career.
I have considered suicide.
I joke about the things that truly bother me: my weight, my marital problems, my depression.
I am a Disney fanatic, to the point of obsession!
I have found that I suck my thumb in my sleep at times. (Freud would love me!!)
I had an abortion in November 1996 and it is my greatest regret.
I have had crushes during my marriage, but no affairs.
I have been studying other religions because I question Christianity.
I have never shared most of these things with anyone.
I push people away when they get too close.
I was molested by three different men during my childhood. (Freud's rolling in his grave to get to me!)
I love Shakespeare and prefer to write poetry with rhythm and rhyme schemes.
I could not survive without the diversion of literature.
This is the best I can do to define who I am.

A room full of windows

It cannot be through my own eyes that my soul is seen for I cannot see it for myself.
My core is a room of windows through which each new pair of eyes sees a different corner.
In one pane is found a woman; emotional, self-conscious, lonely.
Another, a mother; strong, doting, and devoted.
One, a lover.
One, a friend.
One, a lost individual questioning faith, freedom, and fear.
One, regret and sadness.
One, joy and exhileration; a childlike heart.
Shattered or compartmentalized. The portions never whole.
All of me in bits and pieces viewed by the world.